To Stand Before G-d – Parasha Nitzavim

Devarim 29:9 – 30:20

 

 

“The Torah reading of Nitzavim (Deuteronomy 29-30) is always read on the Shabbat before Rosh Hashanah, as we prepare to stand before G-d to be judged for our deeds of the bygone year. These closing days of the year are a time for self-examination, for a thorough assessment of our mission in life and the steps we have taken—and need yet to take—toward its realization.

Nitzavim thus opens with Moses’ statement to the people of Israel: “You stand today, all of you, before G-d your G-d: your heads, your tribal leaders, your elders, your officers, and all men of Israel; your children, your wives, and the stranger in your camp; from the hewer of your wood to the drawer of your water.”” (Wisdom Reb)

This Parasha asks us to do the almost impossible – it asks us to be personally responsible as individuals on a collective level. This is the “We” of all the prayers in the Siddur – the moment when we are both completely transparent to G-d as individuals and as a People. G-d is counting His Children – this is a census. Do we count ourselves among “the hewers of wood and the drawers of water”, and consent to be counted or do we prefer that G-d didn’t SEE us?

Judgement. To most of us it sounds harsh, cold and final. Everything we are or have done, are not and have not done is being scrutinized – or so we think about “Judgement” – but is that truly the point of Rosh ha-Shana? Is that why G-d is holding a census?

Perhaps what G-d wants more than anything is to SEE us there, before Him, like any Father would want to SEE his family, his children? Perhaps that is the purpose of this Holy Day – a Feast Day when G-d is celebrating with His Children up close and personal. A Feast Day when we look forward to the new coming year with hope that it will bring us joy, growth, life and more opportunity to make Dad proud. G-d wants us to Meet Him face to face, trusting that He, like the King in the Midrash will meet us on the Road – knowing that what we lack He will add, so that we meet the Family Standard.

“All Present and Accounted for!”

Rosh HaShana kicks off those days leading up to Yom Kippur – The Day of Atonement – The Day of Awe – when we clean house, make sure that those things we failed at during the past year gets a re-view and a re-newed committment – and not just for those who are actually there, but also for those who are absent, either in mind or body. On Rosh HaShana we start over, with a full deck – and those who are not there in some way, will be counted as if they were – G-d takes one look at “us” and says: “All Present and Acounted for” – in many ways Rosh HaShana is a repeat of The Revelation on har Sinai – we were all there – now we are being counted again, and deemed accountable.

I like being seen as accountable, I like being responsible, being part of that “We”, that regardless of personal culpability is being counted as responsible for those who are not counting themselves as we move towards Yom Kippur.

Do you count yourself?

May we all have a good and sweet year ahead of us, come Rosh HaShana. May we all be Present and Accounted for!

Shabbat Shalom!

On the importance of Tzitzi’ot

“‘Speak unto the children of Israel, and bid them that they make them throughout their generations fringes in the corners of their garments, and that they put with the fringe of each corner a thread of blue. ” (Bamidbar/Numbers 15:38)A fellow Blogger told a story the other day about the importance of wearing tzitzi’ot (fringes).

The story inspired me, not only to start wearing tzitzi’ot myself on a regular basis (i.e every day) as opposed to when I remember or when I feel comfortable wearing them (yes, yes, SHAME on me, violating Torah and all…) it also inspired me to look at WHY I grew lax on fullfilling this mitzvah.

Fear.

Fear of being identified as Jewish, fear of shaming Torah, because I often fail to live up to it’s standards, fear of attracting attention in a non-Jewish area, where I am often harrased for being Jewish.

The story inspired me to look at the Mitzvot of Torah (Commandments) not at tasks that have to be fullfilled, because that’s what a Jew is supposed to do, but as something that is tied in with Life itself. Wearing tzitzi’ot literally saved the life of the man in the story. And even if I don’t think I will ever have to rely on my tzitzi’ot that way – it probably will help me improve my life as a Jew and as a person. And isn’t that what observing Torah is all about?

Betterment of self.

Shalom!

And you shall live in terror?

“And it shall be on the day when ye shall pass over the Jordan unto the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee, that thou shalt set thee up great stones, and plaster them with plaster. And thou shalt write upon them all the words of this law, when thou art passed over; that thou mayest go in unto the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee, a land flowing with milk and honey, as the LORD, the God of thy fathers, hath promised thee.” (Devarim/Deu 27:2-3)

I’d like to connect this Parsha to what I wrote on Parasha Shoftim about Israel’s responsibility and obligation to Live by Torah’s Ethical Imperative in respect to the Stranger.

When Moshe is about to die, and he instructs the People one last time about what they are to do when they have entered the Land that G-d has given them: First they are to offer thanks to G-d for the Land, for the Covenant and for personal privileges and accountability, but before they do that they are to make sure that the Covenant and the Laws of that Covenant are visible to all who come to dwell there – and then the consequences of adhering or not adhering to the Laws of that Covenant is to be read out loud – as a consecration of the Land. It is as if G-d wants to make sure that His Torah is thoroughly imprinted, not just in the People, but in the very Land. Violating Torah means Violating the Land, because Torah is imprinted on the Land.

While each Jew is certainly personally responsible for obeying Torah, and are asked to affirm this in Devarim/Deu 26:2-10, this Parasha clearly speaks about the ENTIRE people as a Collective – and not just the People, but the stranger as well – Devarim/Deu 26:11. If they fail to observe the statutes of Torah, horrible things will happen to them.

This is where Judaism gets its idea of Reward and Punishment from. The first time Torah speaks of Reward for obedience is in Shemot/Exo 20:12 – “Honour thy father and thy mother, that thy days may be long upon the land which the L-RD thy G-d giveth thee.” The implication of a Punishment if disobeyed is also there. Violating Torah means Violating the Land.

People don’t want to hear about the consequences of disobeying Torah – they would much rather hear about the Blessings enumerated in the chapter following the Curses – yet the Curses (Deu 27:15-26; Deu 28:16-19) come before the Blessings (Deu 28:3-6) thus somehow spelling out that we should be aware more of the negative consequences of our actions, rather than what we can gain from acting right.

In Deu 28:66, G-d admonishes in a manner that connects to the present situation in Israel:

“The life you face shall be precarious; you shall be in terror, night and day, with no assurance of survival.” (Deu 28:66)

Over and over Israel is warned that forgetting the Stranger, the Widow and the Orphan will put her in the dog-house with G-d. Over and over, also in this Parasha, is she admonished that wrong-doing has its price. So why does she insist on wronging the Stranger? Why does the Modern State of Israel keep forgetting the Holy Charge given to her in ancient times? Deu 1:16 (2), Deu 10:18-19 (2), Deu 14:29, Deu 24:17, Deu 24:19-21 (3), Deu 26:11-13 (3), Deu 27:19, Deu 31:11-12 (2) – to treat the Stranger equal to the Home-born?

This makes me think that the consequences of not caring for those, also those not Jewish, that need it or to wrong ANY human being, is the terror wrought on Israel today. Deu 27:19 is tied to Deu 16:20 by the word JUSTICE – the promise of life and prosperity for the pursuit of Justice is echoed in Deut 28:66, in a manner that almost makes my skin crawl. How can she not see this, and what will it take for her to wake?

Shalom Shabbat!

Dov

Without Justice there can be no Peace

 

“Justice, justice shall thou pursue!” (Devarim/Deut 16:20 – Parasha Shoftim)”By three things the world is preserved, by Justice, by Truth and by Peace, and these three are one: if Justice has been accomplished, so has Truth and so has Peace” (JT Taanit 4:2, after Rabbi Shimon ben Gamliel and Rav Muna)

“Rebbe Nachman of Breslov said: there is truth, the truth of the truth, and peace. Truth is: a kid stole an apple. The truth of the truth is: the kid was hungry. Peace is: Nobody stole anything; give the kid an apple!” (Heard from Reb Shlomo Carlebach)

Justice – tzedek (righteousness) means that something is right or has been righted.
Truth – emet (truth) means the stability of facts. That the facts are reliable and accurate.
Peace – shalom (perfection), means that nothing is missing, that all is well.

When all that is wrong has been righted and there are no more needs, because all is well, then there is also Peace.

That is why Torah tells us to pursue Justice. We are obligated to seek out that which is wrong, imbalanced, unequal, and make it right, and when we do, we bring Peace.

Jewish Justice is not blind it is said that when G-d had just created the World He had a conversation with Torah:

“Nor is this world inhabited by man the first of things earthly created by G-d. He made several worlds before ours, but He destroyed them all, because He was pleased with none until He created ours. But even this last world would have had no permanence, if G-d had executed His original plan of ruling it according to the principle of strict justice. It was only when He saw that justice [tzedek] by itself would undermine the world that He associated mercy [chessed] with justice, and made them to rule jointly.” (Legends of the Jews – Creation)

Thus tzedek – righteousness was born. When applying Justice, setting things right, we, like G-d, must take into account ALL circumstances present before passing judgement, without consideration to anything but what is right AND compassionate.

When one considers the situation in Israel/Palestine, it becomes clear that both parties must practice Tzedek and Chessed (Righteousness and Mercy) Justice with Compassion.

Both must do away with lawlessness and consider the other with compassion and seek what is right for both. The only way to do that, in my mind, is to look for the Truth [emet] and the Truth of the Truth – i.e honestly state what is happening and acknowledge the causes for those events on both sides. That is hard, because it means putting stop to the blame game – on both sides. It means being responsible and accountable.

It pains me that Israel is failing to heed the words in Shoftim “Justice, justice shall you pursue!”, because by failing that she has failed to live up to Torah’s admonition:

“I the L-RD have called thee in righteousness, and have taken hold of thy hand, and kept thee, and set thee for a covenant of the people, for a light of the nations; ” (Yisheyah/Isa 42:6)

Torah True Justice doesn’t mean letting criminals get away – it means making sure that all be brought to court and given an unbiased hearing. It doesn’t mean not defending oneself or those dependent on you from attack, it means going after the criminals AND showing compassion towards those that are not criminals.

Torah clearly teaches that in war, there are certain Laws that must be followed, and I don’t think anyone denies that Israel is in a state of War. Destroying land, trees or peoples’ livelihoods are not permitted. Peace must be offered and clearly be declined before any attack. Also in a war of defense there are Laws that must be followed:

One may not:

1] Kill an innocent third party to save a life;

2] Compel a person to risk his life to save the life of another;

3] Kill the pursuer after his evil act is over as a form of punishment.

4] Use more force than minimally needed.

More on Jewish Law and the matter of War

It doesn’t serve Israel to go after the Palestinian PEOPLE for the criminal actions of Palestinian terrorists – it would be more fruitful to try and get the Palestinian People’s co-operation through aiding them in achieving prosperity and well-being independently from the criminal terrorists, including the Palestinian Governmental branches that actively endorse terrorism.

In the end this would inspire the Palestinians to start policing themselves, because co-operating with Israel in good things, such as not harboring criminals, not accepting and encouraging violent attacks on Israel and not destroying what help they recieve from Israel and the International Community, is more profitable than the opposite.

Will taking out the criminals with one hand and helping the non-criminals with the other achieve Peace? In the end it will – Chicken Soup goes a long way in hungry hearts, minds and stomachs.

It irritates the drek out of me that there are religious Jews that shrug over this and “hide” behind “Moshiach will sort it out…!” The Jewish People have been charged with the task of being a Light to the Gentiles NOW, not shockling for the coming of the Moshiach. Moshiach will come when it is time, but Justice, Truth and Peace is for the now.

It also aggravates me enormously that some Jews seem to regard Gentiles as some sort of lower class of people, and therefore do not practice Tikkun Olam and Tzedakah in relations to non-Jews. Especially since Torah clearly states that the Law is the same for the Jew and the Gentile and that the Stranger must not be wronged. (Vayikra/Lev 24:22; Shemot/Ex. 22:21; 23:9; Vayikra/Lev 19:33 etc…)

It seems that the idea that Gentiles are lesser people, that reside with some, is connected to the idea of Israel’s Chosenness, that somehow, because we are Chosen we are also above the Law – it is the very opposite. We are Chosen because G-d decided to charge us with the obligation of the Law. G-d gave us the Law so we should LIVE it and pass it on in actions. This is our Holy Duty.

“It hath been told thee, O man, what is good, and what the L-RD doth require of thee: only to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy G-d“. (Mic 6:8)

The fact that others do not live this way, does not free Israel from her Holy Obligation of pursuing Justice nor does it give Israel a mandate to disregard the plight of others, when there is a need or when there is an opportunity to practice Torah. How can Israel be a Light to the Nations if she does not Shine?

“Justice, justice shalt thou follow, that thou mayest live, and inherit the land which the L-RD thy G-d giveth thee.” (Deu 16:20)

In fact this pursuit of Justice [tzedek] guarantees that Israel (and Palestine) will eventually live in peace.

Dov

Second take on Parasha KiTeitzei (Dev 21:10-25:19)

Devarim 21:10-14 The Captive Woman
Günther Plaut suggests in “Torah, A Modern Commentary” that the Laws about the woman captured in war present an ideal and are merely theoretical, rather than actual, practical legislation. I disagree with Plaut on this.

Apart from what the passage 21:10-21 can inspire and suggest, as is done by Rashi when he connects the three “characters” in the passage into a family unit with a bad ending – I believe those are Laws given to both safe-guard the citizens of nations Israel goes to war with, to guarantee theat Israeli warriors treat captives ethically. Why?

Torah doesn’t ever command without a reason – Torah never deals in theory and ideals. It is always practical in its applications.Israel is supposed to be “a light to the nations” (Isa 42:6; 49:6; 51:4). So Torah has to set forth Laws that makes the Jewish People ethically different than “the Nations” in its dealings with people.

In a world where rape, pillage, plunder and abuse was the order of the day in war-time, Israel has to be set apart from this. So, Torah legislates that, IF in war-time, one sees a beautiful woman, one is not to rape her or mistreat her, but one is obligated to give both her and oneself TIME – her to mourn her family and adjust to the new situation, and oneself to “cool off” and decide whether to marry her or not. During this waiting time one is to treat her well, give her new clothes, resources for keeping herself clean and neat, and then after a month has passed one is permitted to have sex with her – in Torah marriage is entered through the act of sex. Should one, after that month realize that one has made a mistake, one is to release her back to her people – even if one decides to marry her and then realizes that a mistake has been made, one must release her. One may not add to her humiliation (the act of capturing her is seen as a humiliation, and no doubt was seen as such by her and by her family) by selling her as a slave. She must go free.
—
Devarim 21:15-17

The Hated Wife
Ok, so the mistake has been made – one married the girl, out of lust most likely, if she becomes hated, and now one is stuck with a wife one doesn’t care the least for – but there’s a child from that marriage. So one marries again, out of love – another child is born. Anyone who has been in a divorce situation, as an adult or as a child, knows just how easy it is to making differences between the kids, especially if one really dislikes the ex-spouse. Torah forbids this. Each child must be treated right – for its own sake and not because who its other parent is. A very good example of what can happen is Yaakov and his 12 sons – Yosef and Benyamin were the sons of Rakel – the other 10 were sons of Leah – it’s not hard to imagine that Yaakov if not disliked Leah, then at least didn’t like her – but he loved Rakel, and subsequently he treated his two youngest differently than the other ten. What happened? Jealousy, hatred and violence. Yosef ended up missing, presumed dead. Why? Because Yaakov clearly favored him, despite Torah telling him and us that such is forbidden.
—
Devarim 21:18-21

The Rebellious Son
“Honor thy father and mother” (Shemot 20:12)

It is said about this son that he is a glutton and a guzzler – i.e an overeater and an alcoholic – and he refuse to accept his parents chastisement to change his ways. Now, what do they need to do – bring in help from the out-side. Shake him – after all he is killing himself. Torah acknowledges that there are instances when parental love and guidance simply isn’t enough, and a policy of estrangement has to be practiced in order to bring about change. Does this mean that Torah prescribe the death penalty for addicts and problem children? No. The description of the penalty, “pelt him with stones” – doesn’t appear anywhere else in Torah – there are offenses that was punished by stoning – but here is says “pelt him with stones” – I think the graphic description is there to underscore the severity of the offense – dishonoring and disrespecting your parents. But also the sverity of out-of-control eating and drinking. To me this “out-of-control eating and drinking”, signifies any action done to excess. Moderation, Torah says, moderation.

Honoring one’s parents doesn’t mean that we should blindly follow any directions given to us by our parents – after all parents aren’t always Torah observant or G-d fearing people, but it says that we should give them credit and the benefit of the doubt when our understanding differ from theirs, consider their experience and weigh it before dismissing it. Honoring one’s parents is also a matter of honoring oneself, as we are part of our parents. Gluttony and Drunkeness is hardly respectful of oneself.

Shalom!

Second take on Parasha KiTeitzei (Dev 21:10-25:19)

Devarim 21:10-14 The Captive Woman
Günther Plaut suggests in “Torah, A Modern Commentary” that the Laws about the woman captured in war present an ideal and are merely theoretical, rather than actual, practical legislation. I disagree with Plaut on this.

Apart from what the passage 21:10-21 can inspire and suggest, as is done by Rashi when he connects the three “characters” in the passage into a family unit with a bad ending – I believe those are Laws given to both safe-guard the citizens of nations Israel goes to war with, to guarantee theat Israeli warriors treat captives ethically. Why?

Torah doesn’t ever command without a reason – Torah never deals in theory and ideals. It is always practical in its applications.Israel is supposed to be “a light to the nations” (Isa 42:6; 49:6; 51:4). So Torah has to set forth Laws that makes the Jewish People ethically different than “the Nations” in its dealings with people.

In a world where rape, pillage, plunder and abuse was the order of the day in war-time, Israel has to be set apart from this. So, Torah legislates that, IF in war-time, one sees a beautiful woman, one is not to rape her or mistreat her, but one is obligated to give both her and oneself TIME – her to mourn her family and adjust to the new situation, and oneself to “cool off” and decide whether to marry her or not. During this waiting time one is to treat her well, give her new clothes, resources for keeping herself clean and neat, and then after a month has passed one is permitted to have sex with her – in Torah marriage is entered through the act of sex. Should one, after that month realize that one has made a mistake, one is to release her back to her people – even if one decides to marry her and then realizes that a mistake has been made, one must release her. One may not add to her humiliation (the act of capturing her is seen as a humiliation, and no doubt was seen as such by her and by her family) by selling her as a slave. She must go free.
—
Devarim 21:15-17

The Hated Wife
Ok, so the mistake has been made – one married the girl, out of lust most likely, if she becomes hated, and now one is stuck with a wife one doesn’t care the least for – but there’s a child from that marriage. So one marries again, out of love – another child is born. Anyone who has been in a divorce situation, as an adult or as a child, knows just how easy it is to making differences between the kids, especially if one really dislikes the ex-spouse. Torah forbids this. Each child must be treated right – for its own sake and not because who its other parent is. A very good example of what can happen is Yaakov and his 12 sons – Yosef and Benyamin were the sons of Rakel – the other 10 were sons of Leah – it’s not hard to imagine that Yaakov if not disliked Leah, then at least didn’t like her – but he loved Rakel, and subsequently he treated his two youngest differently than the other ten. What happened? Jealousy, hatred and violence. Yosef ended up missing, presumed dead. Why? Because Yaakov clearly favored him, despite Torah telling him and us that such is forbidden.
—
Devarim 21:18-21

The Rebellious Son
“Honor thy father and mother” (Shemot 20:12)

It is said about this son that he is a glutton and a guzzler – i.e an overeater and an alcoholic – and he refuse to accept his parents chastisement to change his ways. Now, what do they need to do – bring in help from the out-side. Shake him – after all he is killing himself. Torah acknowledges that there are instances when parental love and guidance simply isn’t enough, and a policy of estrangement has to be practiced in order to bring about change. Does this mean that Torah prescribe the death penalty for addicts and problem children? No. The description of the penalty, “pelt him with stones” – doesn’t appear anywhere else in Torah – there are offenses that was punished by stoning – but here is says “pelt him with stones” – I think the graphic description is there to underscore the severity of the offense – dishonoring and disrespecting your parents. But also the sverity of out-of-control eating and drinking. To me this “out-of-control eating and drinking”, signifies any action done to excess. Moderation, Torah says, moderation.

Honoring one’s parents doesn’t mean that we should blindly follow any directions given to us by our parents – after all parents aren’t always Torah observant or G-d fearing people, but it says that we should give them credit and the benefit of the doubt when our understanding differ from theirs, consider their experience and weigh it before dismissing it. Honoring one’s parents is also a matter of honoring oneself, as we are part of our parents. Gluttony and Drunkeness is hardly respectful of oneself.

Shalom!

A Family Gathering

This weeks Parasha starts with a section (Devarim 21:10-20) that is rather gruesome – it looks like Torah is sanctioning rape in war time, only making it look like something else. And it continues with talking about a hated wife, and how one must not treat his children by her differently than those he has by a wife he loves – even if the loved one’s son is the younger. Finally the passage ends with how a rebellious son is to be punished for his disrespect towards his parents.Really ugly – what does such a text do in Torah?

“10. If you go out to war against your enemies, and the Lord, your God, will deliver him into your hands, and you take his captives, 11. and you see among the captives a beautiful woman and you desire her, you may take [her] for yourself as a wife. 12. You shall bring her into your home, and she shall shave her head and let her nails grow. 13. And she shall remove the garment of her captivity from upon herself, and stay in your house, and weep for her father and her mother for a full month. After that, you may be intimate with her and possess her, and she will be a wife for you. 14. And it will be, if you do not desire her, then you shall send her away wherever she wishes, but you shall not sell her for money. You shall not keep her as a servant, because you have afflicted her. 15. If a man has two wives-one beloved and the other despised-and they bear him sons, the beloved one and the despised one, and the firstborn son is from the despised one. 16. Then it will be, on the day he [the husband] bequeaths his property to his sons, that he will not be able to give the son of the beloved [wife] birthright precedence over the son of the despised [wife]-the [real] firstborn son. 17. Rather, he must acknowledge the firstborn, the son of the despised [wife] and give him a double share in all that he possesses, because he [this firstborn son] is the first of his strength, then he has the birthright entitlement. 18. If a man has a wayward and rebellious son, who does not obey his father or his mother, and they chasten him, and [he still] does not listen to them, 19. his father and his mother shall take hold of him and bring him out to the elders of his city, and to the gate of his place. 20. And they shall say to the elders of his city, “This son of ours is wayward and rebellious; he does not obey us; [he is] a glutton and a guzzler.” 21. And all the men of his city shall pelt him to death with stones, and he shall die. So shall you clear out the evil from among you, and all Israel will listen and fear.”

Rabbi Baruch Sienna once told me that some times troublesome texts are in Torah, to teach us how not to behave, not because Torah condones all kinds of gruesome actions.

Rashi clarifies this by connecting the three characters to each other as if they were family.

The woman in the beginning of the passage, because she is made a wife under less than ideal circumstances, becomes the hated wife in the middle of the text, who gives birth to the man’s first son – the one who in the end of the passage despises and disrespects his parents – this way the less than ethical treatment bestowed on his mother in the end punishes itself in that the man ends up having a son that hates him too.

To me this reads as the Torah Commenting on Domestic Violence – the woman in the beginning of the text is taken captive, abused, and under “nice forms” forcibly married to the man (for all practical purposes she is raped) – the children that issues from this union are by their very conception abused by the abuse inflicted on their mother – they grow up despising their father, who in turn despise them, because they remind him of his ill-treatment of their mother, and in the end they become what “shames” him. The words from the last verse “So shall you clear out the evil from among you, and all Israel will listen and fear.” doesn’t necessarily imply the rebellious children but the entire situation – mistreat people and in the end they will turn against you, not only in the first generation, but in the second generation as well.

Shalom Shabbat!

Dov

A Family Gathering

This weeks Parasha starts with a section (Devarim 21:10-20) that is rather gruesome – it looks like Torah is sanctioning rape in war time, only making it look like something else. And it continues with talking about a hated wife, and how one must not treat his children by her differently than those he has by a wife he loves – even if the loved one’s son is the younger. Finally the passage ends with how a rebellious son is to be punished for his disrespect towards his parents.Really ugly – what does such a text do in Torah?

“10. If you go out to war against your enemies, and the Lord, your God, will deliver him into your hands, and you take his captives, 11. and you see among the captives a beautiful woman and you desire her, you may take [her] for yourself as a wife. 12. You shall bring her into your home, and she shall shave her head and let her nails grow. 13. And she shall remove the garment of her captivity from upon herself, and stay in your house, and weep for her father and her mother for a full month. After that, you may be intimate with her and possess her, and she will be a wife for you. 14. And it will be, if you do not desire her, then you shall send her away wherever she wishes, but you shall not sell her for money. You shall not keep her as a servant, because you have afflicted her. 15. If a man has two wives-one beloved and the other despised-and they bear him sons, the beloved one and the despised one, and the firstborn son is from the despised one. 16. Then it will be, on the day he [the husband] bequeaths his property to his sons, that he will not be able to give the son of the beloved [wife] birthright precedence over the son of the despised [wife]-the [real] firstborn son. 17. Rather, he must acknowledge the firstborn, the son of the despised [wife] and give him a double share in all that he possesses, because he [this firstborn son] is the first of his strength, then he has the birthright entitlement. 18. If a man has a wayward and rebellious son, who does not obey his father or his mother, and they chasten him, and [he still] does not listen to them, 19. his father and his mother shall take hold of him and bring him out to the elders of his city, and to the gate of his place. 20. And they shall say to the elders of his city, “This son of ours is wayward and rebellious; he does not obey us; [he is] a glutton and a guzzler.” 21. And all the men of his city shall pelt him to death with stones, and he shall die. So shall you clear out the evil from among you, and all Israel will listen and fear.”

Rabbi Baruch Sienna once told me that some times troublesome texts are in Torah, to teach us how not to behave, not because Torah condones all kinds of gruesome actions.

Rashi clarifies this by connecting the three characters to each other as if they were family.

The woman in the beginning of the passage, because she is made a wife under less than ideal circumstances, becomes the hated wife in the middle of the text, who gives birth to the man’s first son – the one who in the end of the passage despises and disrespects his parents – this way the less than ethical treatment bestowed on his mother in the end punishes itself in that the man ends up having a son that hates him too.

To me this reads as the Torah Commenting on Domestic Violence – the woman in the beginning of the text is taken captive, abused, and under “nice forms” forcibly married to the man (for all practical purposes she is raped) – the children that issues from this union are by their very conception abused by the abuse inflicted on their mother – they grow up despising their father, who in turn despise them, because they remind him of his ill-treatment of their mother, and in the end they become what “shames” him. The words from the last verse “So shall you clear out the evil from among you, and all Israel will listen and fear.” doesn’t necessarily imply the rebellious children but the entire situation – mistreat people and in the end they will turn against you, not only in the first generation, but in the second generation as well.

Shalom Shabbat!

Dov